9. The Professor is OUT...

June 30, 2021

As my time at UCR has come to an end, I have thought a great deal about what experience it has been! Almost seven years where I went from graduate student to a summer lecturer, to an adjunct. It has been quite a rollercoaster, and it sure flipped my life upside-down. Not least the move to the US from Denmark. Living in Riverside for seven years has been something else! Now that I have my green card, I do not intend on moving back to Denmark...

I am trying to reflect on what stands out the most: Being an overwhelmed 1st-year student? Some of the graduate seminars? TA’ing for the first time? Different TA’ing experiences? My first lecturing gig in the summer of 2017? Or my first class with 150 students in the middle of a pandemic? As an international student, I was given two years to advance to candidacy (wrapping up all coursework and do my written and oral exams), and then another three years to finish research and write up the dissertation. I made it. Almost on the clock of my five years running out. BUT, either way. I did it!

From all the graduate students I have talked to over the years, I seem to have received the poorest funding package! I have yet to encounter others who had to start TAing in their first year. This is not a complaint, just reality, and it got me to TA for deceased Wendy Ashmore, from whom I learned a great deal. I mentally prepared for being a TA for the first time by being a reader during my second quarter, before embarking on more than four years of TA-life. I loved being a TA – I love the whole concept of getting paid to learn. When you TA, you have to attend the classes and read extra material to relay the material to the undergraduate students! Sure, there were times I was in over my head. But, I would go home and look it up and be ready for the next class! Being a TA helps you become a better teacher on so many levels. In addition to watch-and-learn the professors you TA for, you get access to methods, homework assignments, readings, and not least experience standing in front of students. Sure, I have had a few bad/odd experiences - alas – it also teaches you what NOT to do. So, it is part of a significant learning experience.

The one thing I wish I could go back and tell myself would be – “Cat, things will work out. You will make it.” As the uncertainty while a graduate student as to whether I would get another TA ship or not was incredibly stressful. It was a matter of whether I could afford tuition and rent and survive if I did not get a TA ship. Would I have to move back to Denmark? This worrying took up too much of my brain capacity and was a colossal anxiety medium that certainly redirected focus from what I ought to be doing. I had not read the fine print when I accepted the offer to go to UCR – I had not fully comprehended what the financial situation would be – but even if I had – I would, of course, still had chosen to come! Things have a way of working out!

I also want to tip my hat to my academic adviser, Karl Taube, whom I had lunch last week. Karl is my academic father, and I have been so lucky that he chose me to be his graduate student. I know he was never short of people who applied to work with him, and I consider it quite a privilege. Over the years, he guided me, stood by me, and when I was in a time crunch to wrap up my dissertation, he literally dropped everything for me and helped ensure that I would be done on time. Now, it is time for him and me to work on a publication together. We should have done that a long time ago – but better late than never, as we say in Denmark…

One particular moment that stands out for me and which changed my life was when the class I had signed up for got canceled, and by default, I had one other option, a cultural methods class with Christina Schwenkel! Without her class, I would have been on a very different journey as it prompted me to do local participant observation field research. I chose the Riverside Metropolitan Museum as I ambitiously thought, that hey, getting a foot inside the museum world wouldn’t be so bad, as I had excavated so many amazing artifacts in Belize, which I felt belonged in a proper museum. I was very well going to help build that (it still hasn’t happened!!! But who knows what the future brings)? Anyhow, had I not picked that topic and walked into the museum on that particular day, who knows what things would look like today! It pushed me down a path that caused me to change my dissertation topic! It started an avalanche of events - those I will write about elsewhere some other time...

Another thing that stands out during my years at UCR is the diversity – and the struggles. As a TA/lecturer/adjunct, I have functioned as a mentor for many students. When their homework assignments are late, I cannot help but reach out to students and inquire if everything is ok. Sometimes students are just slagging and have poor time-management skills, but other times the world has come down crashing around their ears. This is where I have sometimes been taken off guard with some of the struggles these students deal with. We have all had dying grandparents -I have had that experience myself, and yes, it is rough, but it is nothing compared to when you have abusive parents, dad has been incarcerated, or ICE picked up your mother. Those issues put things a bit into perspective. I take my professional role seriously and try not to cross lines between student/teacher relations. Still, every so often, it has been necessary to offer a hug, a meal, and on one occasion, I had to pick up a student from her abusive parents and bring her to a new home. I am glad to say that she is doing very well in her life today (although the struggle isn’t quite over!).

I have heard similar stories from my peers; one told me of a student who slept in their car because they had been kicked out from home because of LGTBQ issues. I have never had students who committed suicide, but somebody from my cohort has. I remember walking into the TA office one day, and she was crying. I inquired about what was going on while offering a hug. In one of her classes, a girl had raised her hand when given the prompt for a new homework assignment. The prompt was to study some social problems in society. This girl had ‘jokingly’ asked if she could study herself. The TA had expressed that it had to be something more centered around society. The next day, she was informed that the girl had committed suicide. Now, this has NOTHING to do with the TA’s actions, but it nonetheless leaves you with a feeling of what else you could have done and what you should have picked up on. And I just consider myself lucky not to have had to deal with this issue.

On a more positive note... Over the years, I have had many great experiences with students I mentored and encouraged into their future careers. It really is the best feeling when they later contact you (usually via email) to let you know how well they are doing. In April of 2021, there was one week where I got four emails from students who each reached out about their respective successes. Now, this is not common that I receive so many and so frequently! That week just stands out as it was so wonderful, particularly in the middle of a pandemic, to see that the students were hanging in there and progressing. Several had asked for letters of recommendation and had gotten into schools and projects; one had started his own after-school project with his old high school after a conversation we had had eight months prior. He had done a great job, and the students had much appreciated his efforts. This is what makes it all worthwhile.

Now, all that is left is for me to figure out what will be my next chapter. I am lucky to have great mentors in my life, and I just hope that with the pandemic seeming to come to an end sometime soon, that something opens up for me. Until then, I seem to never run out of projects to work on – so – I will keep myself busy – not least with job applications (hahaha)…