September 4, 2023

It has taken me some time to finish this post as I have been excessively busy all summer. But I thought it was fitting to upload it on my ninth anniversary of arriving in the US. So much has happened since I arrived – little did I know I would still be here almost a decade later. People regularly ask me if I want to return to Denmark, and at this very moment, I think it is very unlikely. But, who knows… only time will tell.

Anyways, this post is not about reflecting on the past or the future, but about an interview I did back in January (yes, I told you – it has taken me a while to finish this post…). You might want to check it out before you continue reading – in which case, here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s6gjW-REZ8

So, on January 22, 2023 I was interviewed by Gerry Fialka, a fascinating person, who is an experimental filmmaker, and who has conducted more than 200 interviews over the years. He used to work as Frank Zappa’s production assistant for ten years, incidentally, beginning the year I was born… check him out on his website: https://www.laughtears.com/

I met Gerry back in October 2022 (so almost a year ago at this point) at the memorial of a common dear friend while were both exploring the dessert table… he talked to another friend of mine and expressed that he regretted never seizing the opportunity to interview said friend. The other friend hinted that he should interview me instead - an anthropologist, and he liked that idea, and we exchanged information.

Within the next days he wrote me and suggested some future dates. January seemed relatively far away and yet not ridiculously out in the future. It would be a Sunday. So, I felt it was okay to commit at this point, after which, I admit, that I forgot all about it and neither checked out Gerry’s YouTube channel to learn more about his background. January came with hasty steps, and I received a reminder email from Gerry confirming that we would proceed.

Ay, I was slowly but surely recovering from a cold - a last parting Christmas gift from my family before I left Denmark and headed back to the US… anyhow… The interview was about to commence, and I was in a somewhat groggy state of mind, which may have assisted me in, surprisingly, not getting nervous. In fact, in retrospect, it seems to have benefited me that I was somewhat sluggish and unprepared, as I had not had time to ponder what my answers might be to his very inquisitive questions about life. – I had wrongly assumed we would be discussing anthropological endeavors…

Barely had the interview begun before I quickly realized that this was more a speed test of existentialistic conviction – and I enjoyed it. Many of the questions were things I had often pondered about, and readily had the answers, others I had never considered and needed a second to reflect. It was a wonderful experience to be challenged like that! The introverted me sends a grateful nod to my 35% extroversion, which knows when to step forward! I loved how he introduced quotes from famous authors and specialists, and asked essentially if I agreed or not, and what my take was on a variety of issues. It turns out that many of these questions he asks of anybody he interviews, and he seems to be gathering answers and would occasionally compare my answer to others.

Following the interview, I was in the aftermath reflecting on some of my answers. Analogously, as after an awkward first date where you afterwards shake your head with a slight grin on your face, hoping your date didn’t register your silliness. As expected, came this wave of – oh dear, Cat, why did you answer it like that! Having said that, I would like to think that I stand by all my answers – and they represent where I was at mentally at that time in my life! If asked today, I might answer certain things differently – I may not… None of the answers prompted a sudden feeling dire regret, more a sense of complete silliness – such as one question about what I dream about right now – to which I, as a blatant young schoolgirl, answered that I would love to meet Neymar Jr., rather than reflect on prospects of life/love/career. But then, hey, I still stand by the answer – meeting Neymar Jr. (or even better, Messi) would be wonderful experiences!

The other question that somewhat taunted me, is what I worry about before I go to sleep! And without skipping a beat I said that I don’t worry when I go to bed, and that I on the contrary try to focus on happy and fun things – and while that is a nice answer – and it was true – still is true – that these days, many nights I have been watching fun reels on Instagram/listening to music/googled things before going to bed, and I literally go to bed with a smile on my face – it isn’t true that there hasn’t been many times when I went to bed worrying about things – and would lie there and toss and turn. All that considered, I am happy he asked me when I was in a good state of mind and that I was able to give that reply – as – then I can aspire to always live like that (hm hmmm…).

Had he asked me during one of my more stressful times, the answer would have yielded my rigid sleep hygiene routine that I have learned over the years having in the past struggled with sleepless nights… The best sleep routine for me includes open window (no matter how cold/hot it is outside), a hot water bottle by my feet if it is cold outside (as the window is open), a silk eye mask, and that the alarm is set for the next morning. The thing about the alarm allows for the comfort of knowing that when it rings, I know that it is time to wake up, offering an odd sense of control, that if I wake up in the middle of the night, I am not “allowed” to look at the clock, as I just need to try and go back to sleep, but also letting me know that I will not suddenly sleep the whole mid-morning away.

The final question that caused me to reflect a bit further, was what I would want God to say to me, when I see him when I die… As I do not believe in God, this question was challenging, but Gerry did not let me skip out, so, the first thing that came to mind was simply: “Sorry.” Do I need to explain myself, no, not really, but just to clarify, not believing in God, seeing all the warfare and misery that happens in the world in the name of respective gods, make it very difficult for me to accept it is part of a bigger plan for us. With science (and telescopes) showing us the billions of other galaxies ‘out there’ I have a hard time accepting that we can be that pretentious to think that a creator god would be concerned with us, humans, who have existed for no longer than 0.007% of the entire history of our solar system (4.5 billion years) – that is 99.993% of the time (or 99.998% since big bang) we didn’t exist. And with trillions of other planets – I think we are rather insignificant in the bigger scheme of things. But hey, if the brain can name itself, we as a species are a peculiar lot.

If you happen to watch the interview and want to continue the conversation, I would love to discuss the topics further. Feel free to comment here, send me an email, or give me a call, and we can continue this existentialist rambling...