May 31, 2021

As I ended up skipping my blog for April – I have had to think long and hard about what to write for May – not that I don’t have topics to write about; on the contrary – I have too many topics. Mentally I had started preparing for a very long entry – but alas, I ran out of time, and now, May is almost coming to an end. I hope my April entry will manifest itself in July (I have another topic for June). For May, I want to discuss the concept of friendships… and how fitting, as we in this month got the long-awaited Friends (tv-show) The Reunion on HBO.

As John Donne once wrote, “no man is an island” – we cannot function in society alone – and we shouldn’t be in society alone. Sure, we have our various personalities, and some need more alone/quiet time than others, but at the end of the day, communication, interaction, sharing, laughter, and love, are crucial for a healthy mind. Our capitalistic societies have already made us alienated from one another and our workplace. Additionally, now, with the ongoing pandemic, people have more than ever felt isolated and alone (albeit – there is a silver lining for some people who have been able to spend much more time with their families – for better and for worse). Even pre-pandemic, Theresa May, former Prime Minister of England, instigated a project: “be more us” (https://bemoreus.org.uk/faqs) to take on the battle with loneliness! And yes, indeed, there have so far been three Ministers of Loneliness. We can easily be disconnected even when we are in the same room with others – particularly cellphones are the culprit in this, and sitting with your phone while you are around others is a terrible habit. Social interaction is crucial – and so is the touch. We need endorphins as a result of contact, care, and love for one another. I can say for a fact that I have received very few hugs over the duration of this pandemic, and it is getting to me! But at this point, fear of contracting the disease makes the cultural habit of hugging even more remote, and I hope that we soon can return to more normal circumstances where hugging isn’t a potential death sentence! I might even consider this: http://www.cuddleparty.com/.

I consider myself lucky to have some very wonderful and great people in my life—friends who have become family. A good friend is someone that even if time goes by and you haven’t talked in a while, it is as natural to talk as if you spoke yesterday – the flow – the bond – it is just there, and nobody can take that away from you. Not even the constant pressure of society trying to balance work, children, etc., -the continuous on-the-go stress from trying to keep up with everything. There should always be time for friends. If you do not have time for your friends, maybe it is time to stop up and see if you need to readjust certain things in life. Take a deep breath and remember that there are more important things in life than to make money (we can get by on a relatively low amount if we put our minds to it) – so, consider your priorities. Not to say that you cannot have both money and friends, just don’t let your job rule your life. At least that is my advice to you – and myself! Surely there can be times with time crunches, but hopefully not too regularly!

When I moved to the US in 2014, I struggled with how to meet new friends. Sure, I had a cohort of people with whom I was expected to hang. But, among the 6-7 of us, there weren’t any that fit the bill. I wondered so much about how to make new friends. I did, of course, meet a few great ones who I still talk to today! However, at this stage in our lives, many were at least in their mid-20s, if not more likely in their mid-30s or older, so many already had families and obligations, and while we were able to hang out on campus, meeting off-campus often was more challenging. One day I searched google for “how to meet new friends” and came across an article that explained how difficult it is after the age of 30. The reason for this was partly, according to the article, that we no longer are “ugly” together. Yes, that is right. Everything is formal, and we meet for lunch or dinner, and perhaps a concert/show/event; otherwise, the true bonding happens when we are out of the formal element. I can only say that I concur with this statement. And, as luck would have it, my dissertation research brought me to a museum in Los Angeles, where after the first visit, the curator invited me to spend the night at her place the next time I had to come in, so we could get started earlier. Living 60 miles straight east of LA makes it challenging to get anywhere early unless you make it VERY early. So, I came over to their house, and we had a great time, and we repeated that for the following research visits – and what do you know – before I knew it, I had new great friends. I want to thank them for wanting to be ugly with me and for still being my friends. I cannot express enough how grateful I am to have these people in my life!

I, of course, have my friends and family from ‘back home who I talk to regularly, one friend in and one sister in particular. While it is not the same as being in the same room together and hug each other, I must say that Zoom/Facebook messenger/Facetime – whatever the medium – how amazing the different ways to stay in touch. -And without delay in the communication (think if we were dependent on sending letters or a pigeon!). I wonder if Alexander Graham Bell could even have conceived of the phone ever reaching this level… anyhow… to me, a good friend is somebody I cannot wait to share with and who I cannot wait to hear from. Friendships are about reciprocity – not in terms of material objects – but in terms of mutual interest and respect. Friends should want to voluntarily share god/bad/sad/wonderful news with me without me asking, and vice versa. It is somebody you want to be happy and who you root for no matter what choices they make in life!

Now, back to Friends – the TV show! Watching Friends, the Reunion, brought tears to my eyes. It has played such a big part in my life, as it has for so many people. The people they interviewed from all across the globe have all had similar experiences: the sense of belonging – or wanting to belong. These six friends appeal to all of us – they have unified people – while the tackle issues of: dating, divorce, (in)fertility, homosexuality, family, religion, money issues, unemployment, that is ok to be different, the importance of communicating, and so much more. All those things that are part of adulting – and – that with the right people around you, we can handle it together. Culturally, when you meet strangers, we talk about the weather or food, or in many cases, at least among Gen X and Millennials - about Friends. Personally, it has affected me tremendously. We didn’t have the right TV channels when I was growing up; besides, I was 11 when it first aired. But as I ventured into my teenage years, I would sporadically watch it wherever I could. When I moved to England for 9 months at the age of 17, I could sometimes watch Friends three times a day on different channels. It was not until January 2006 that I finally got to watch all of the seasons from A to Z...

In September of 2005, I enrolled in the university, and for Christmas, my beloved late granddad gave me the complete 10 season DVD box-set. OH MYYY GOOOOD… thank you so much – only one small caveat: my granddad had additionally taken away my remote control for my old crappy TV. There was no turning it on without the remote. This was not to be mean – no – he had good intentions: My first exams were due in January, so, upon finishing my courses, I would get my remote control back, and I could finally watch Friends. I believe that there wasn’t an episode I had not watched, but imagine that until that day (or a few days), I had only watched it sporadically here and there and everywhere; it was so wonderful to get the full coherent story once and for all.

I have quoted SO much from Friends throughout my life. You know you have met a true kinsman when they understand (and appreciate) your MANY Friends references. Could they BE any more cooler… I don’t think so. When I moved to the greater Los Angeles area in 2014, I eagerly tried to sign up to be an audience in different tv shows. It proved challenging since I did not have a car, so living 60 miles from Hollywood was not ideal. However, one day on 1iota – it popped up. There was going to be a show in honor of James Burrows – the guy who produced and kickstarted SO many of our favorite shows: in addition to Friends, TAXI, Frasier, Cheers, and so on… I was like: HOW do I get a ticket for this! Through 1iota, you have to express WHY they should pick you – and as luck would have it, I think they could hear my Friends obsession through the 50 words I was allowed to write! I got two tickets and brought a friend to the Palladium on Sunset Blvd. It was the most Hollywood experience I have ever had. We were placed behind all of the stars as a background audience. I saw all of the stars come in, and not least the Friends crew. I believe Matthew Perry was missing, so not the entire gang, but still a fabulous experience. And, of course, the Rembrandts were there, and I got to clap along to the song! Ay…. And, another time, I went with a friend to Warner Bros. and FINALLY got to sit in the sofa at Central Perk – they had you act out a scene – I was Rachel. So much fun!

On that cheerful note, I will end this entry and give a shout-out to my friends (and family), particularly those who have stuck with me while I moved across the pond, and to my new friends. I love you all and I hope I get to hug you all in the very near future.